Friday, June 26, 2009

What am I thinking?

Oh my! I am pregnant! We are going to have a baby! It is a very exciting thought! What are we going to do? What kind of clothes should we buy? We don't really mind whether it's a boy or girl, although a boy would be nice since there are so many girls in the family! What names will we pick? We know we like Edward for a boy - that is Ben's middle name, and what they called his dad - "Eddie". Now, some ask, why don't you name a boy after Ben? Because Ben is Benjamin Edward Johns, III, and we don't want to lay the royal burden of Benjamin Edward Johns, IV, on any grade school fellow. Although I have to admit I am kindof partial to Benjamin - I really like that one.
I really, secretly feel we are going to have a boy, just kindof thinking that! Oh, we can't wait to find out what we are having! Baby due on Dec. 8! Christmas time will be so wonderful!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Post, what post?

I am not sure where I left off with Maddy, but here goes . . .
By the time April was under way, we were so excited! We had decided not to tell anyone in our family to make sure we were going to make it through the first trimester. We did tell our coworkers, and that was so exciting - we felt so proud!
I was just bubbling over at work! I started eating better, thinking sweet thoughts about babies - all the stuff you plan when you are expecting your first! On April 10 I couldn't keep it secret much longer - I told my sister Patti. She was expecting her first, due June 22. She told me she spilled her water in her purse when I told her! I was going through MS to see her the next weekend for her own baby shower, stopping in Hamilton to see my good friend Emily and have a MK party at her house - so fun! And, she had a little gift ready for me - a sweet little ducky blanket - which I am still using today! We (Baby and me) also stopped through Clinton, MS, where I went to college, saw sweet Dr. Williams, told her, and wonderful Lyda Stark my student teacher and told her. They were so excited for me. I am glad I included them in my little trip!
I was looking to get some good friends where we lived so I asked a great person from work to go shopping with me - Trish. She met me at the outlet mall sometime that April. I knew I would need maternity clothes soon! I had fun, Trish was so fun to hang out with. Unfortunately she told us all the next month she was quitting and moving. We missed her. Thank you Trish for hanging out with me Saturday, April 16, one of Maddy's days!
The first appointment was set for April 29. I was nervous about it. I am not a dr person, I don't like needles, nor do I like the band aid smell of dr's offices - yuck! I don't like the thought that someone is going to touch me, poke me, hurt me, etc. I was hoping this was just going to be basic, and I wouldn't be in too much pain! Money was also a source of fretting. We also had very inadequate insurance - it would basically pay for 10% - and less than that for the hospital. We did find a nice woman - Dr Kathryn Stevens in Ft. Walton Beach, about 30 min away, but right next door to the best hospital in the area.
On Friday, April 29, 2005 , Ben and I had our first appointment. We waited in the waiting room. They called my name, we go back and weigh me, blood pressure good - although I feel like it should be through the roof! They send us to the room. Sadly for me, they told me to undress, What does that mean they are going to do?, I wondered.
Dr. Stevens came in for a little just to meet us and say hi. She introduced herself, and us likewise. "I am Dr. Kathryn Stevens, congratulations." We talked about where they deliver, today she'd do a pap smear (which I tried to protest cause I just had one 5 mo earlier). Then she left and said she'd be back. Ben left so he wouldn't have to see the 'girly' stuff.
While I was waiting TOO long (because I think we all know what waiting does to the nerves) in comes this little nurse, with a very short attitude and a needle. "What is that for?" I queried. "Your blood test." Her name was Sara. : ) She looked like she had just graduated.
"Um, I was not told about a blood test."
She continued to get things ready to my confusion, because did I not just make it clear that I want no blood test? Then she came at me with the 'arm-noose' and that item alone is enough to send me into a frenzy of tears! I pulled back and had a look of terror on my face - she looked at me like I was stupid. "This is normal, everyone takes a blood test."
I am not sure what I said really, but it was probably with a very shaky voice and something to the effect of, "No, I can't, let me talk to the dr." I think I remember I literally had to climb up the exam table because she was still trying to put that rubber band on my arm, and fear was coursing through me. I just could not let her do that.
When Dr. Stevens came in she said the nurse told her I was not interested in the blood test. She did say it was standard. I asked her what it was for - she said blood type, HIV, other blood disorders, etc. She said we would take a second blood test around 16 wks so we could just do it all then - you know I was thinking, we'll just see about that.
At the end of it all, Dr. Stevens said, do you have any questions? And of course we don't because we are just so overcome with nervousness. But I did ask one thing, "So, what did the urine test say?" Meaning, positive or negative? She looked at me silly, of course, and said, "Positive, you are pregnant."
Due date - December 8, 2005

I found some notes I made in the "What to Expect When Your Expecting" book I bought after we found out we were expecting. These notes are before we found out our daughter was sick. I will type those as 'verbatim' as possible - who likes my grammer? : ) I wish I had a scanner and can just show you my pages, scribble for scrat! I will add them soon.